Category Archives: Slider

02 Mar 2015

How to Speak Editor: a Fluency Guide

As writers, we understand that editors are vital. We need them–often three of them–to help our novel reach the level of quality our readership demands of us. Once our written work is weighed, reviewed, and digested by an editor’s analytical mind, our craft is ready for a new plateau. But the brilliant breed of humans known as “editors” are, at times, difficult to decipher. Their nomenclature is so beyond ours that their wisdom can be elusive, which is why I have produced this handy translation guide for use when your next round of edits shows up in your inbox. You can Read More

23 Feb 2015

It’s Mr. Tagg’s Fault

Mr. Carl Tagg was my tenth-grade history teacher, and the man was a master at getting the classroom ferociously pissed. “The Holocaust wasn’t all bad, guys. Just consider the population control and now the Jews have Israel, see? All’s well that ends well, right?” Each time he’d drop a nugget like this on us, we’d proceed to devour each other. Another treasure of Mr. Tagg’s was “Without slavery, America would be nothing. The entire nation you live in is all thanks to slavery.” This would almost always divide the classroom into two camps, and soon the siege would begin. It Read More

16 Feb 2015

I’m Selling Out, AKA My Upcoming Best-Selling YA Series

Alright, I’m done with being poor. Seeing how so many YA novels are making a killing these days, I’m going to write one. It shall be called…The Lego Batman Movie (2017) The Fault in Our Shivering Twilight Book 1 – The Awakening:  Beatrice learns that her father was part angel, and her mother was a chosen one with the magical power of plot propulsion before she died from a cancerous car crash. A mysterious, absurdly hot boy shows up and immediately finds Beatrice to be special, for no particular reason other than to be a proxy for the intended female audience’s Read More

09 Feb 2015

RED ALERT: Science Fiction Writers Needed

I’ve got some serious promotion coming up for my sci-fi novel The Line, and to be honest, I need all the help I can get. I’m a no-name, and I’m super nervous. So I’m calling on all my fellow science fiction authors to help me out. I need all of you to write (and publish) awful science fiction for me. Don’t get me wrong, The Line is a great novel, and I’m extremely proud of it. But in this competitive market, and with some of the AMAZING stuff I’ve seen from my fellow independent sci-fi authors (looking at you, Dennis Royer), Read More

26 Jan 2015

Let’s Talk About That Vampire Story You Wrote

“Nonsense! I’m an adult, and I write mature fiction worthy of The New Yorker!” Stop it. You can’t deny the juvenile allure of writing vampire fiction. You buckled. Accept it. “But I didn’t use the word ‘vampire’ once!” See, now you’re bargaining. “I confess! Oh, woe is me! I wrote a vampire story because the concept of immortality was too ripe of a theme to pass up! The sexual metaphor of drinking blood and biting the neck is so charged with prior cultural connotation I couldn’t help myself. All the elements I wanted to express were already there.” And of course, you had a Read More