Greetings ladies, gentlemen, and those of us somewhere in between.
I… am a writer.
*waits for applause*
*realizes applause ain’t gonna happen*
*swallows sadness and moves on*
My lovely and talented PR agent, one Ms. Ally Bishop, has instructed me to “blog.” I have never “blogged” before, and I am concerned regarding the nature of this new verb. This posting will be my first “blog,” and through this “venue,” I will discuss my mistakes and errors in regards to being not only a writer, but a self-published one at that.
I also promise to stop using “quotations” because that appears to be a habit of the “douchiest” of “bloggers.”
As I am now writing my third novel, I look back at my amazingly awkward beginnings, and after reviewing my plethora of completely STUPID mistakes, I am stunned at how naïve I was.
And still am.
Perhaps in maintaining this blog, I can help some wayward Google-er, one who accidentally stumbles upon my tiny soapbox, learn what NOT to do when independently publishing. Maybe by confessing all of my writing sins, I will figure out my future path. Will this blog be dug up in the far future, thousands of years from now, by digital archeologists? What would they say?
“Hmmmm, yet another fan of Firefly.”
“Yes, and he appeared to like quotation marks. He must have been of The Douche. A high priest, maybe?”
Anyways, next post will be about the worst editor out there. That is not an exaggeration. I’m dead serious. Turn in next time for the big reveal!